"It does the job but it’s loud."

"So we’re going to go over the good, the bad and the ugly about the Satisfyer Pro 2.

I’ll preface my review with a little background: I am a queer black woman who enjoys sucking stimulation on most parts of my body including my clit. Receiving oral has ALWAYS been an issue because when you tell them to “suck”, they think that you’re telling them to “lick and suck”. NO. Just suck. I’ve even told someone to “Suck on it like it’s a little dick” as a final resort to get pleased the way I needed to. Needless to say, that is something I suggest you never say to someone who can’t follow basic instructions properly, especially when that someone is a woman who is a lesbian and has never been nor desires to be with a man (please take my advice on that) I had pretty much given up on getting quality head and resorted to only giving. If my partner at the time got off on giving me head, you would rate me an A+ on my performance. In summary, I have NEVER came from oral. (and in case my Amazon profile is linked to any of my social media accounts, I will have to un-link them after this review because I have lied to these women by telling them that they gave me the best head I ever had in my life when in fact I was being a manipulating liar who didn’t want to hurt their poor I-cant-follow-instructions hearts)

The good thing about this device is that it knows how to follow directions. It’s a beautiful sleek device, no ugly words or pictures to throw your concentration off. Smooth to the touch with curves in all the right places to be able to cradle it in the palm of your hand and keep it in place. I actually had this device delivered to my job site to make sure that I received in on time and you bet your last dollar that I plugged it up AT MY DESK to make sure that by the time I got off work that it was going to be fully charged. I did have a little bit of issues attaching the magnetic charger but after I plugging the charger in first, it attached to the device without any issues (I’ll add that I had previously ordered the Womanizer 1 and the reason I returned it was due to the charger being bent thus not charging the device at all. It came with a flimsy charger that had these weird tiny prickly ends on it that insert into the device itself and I could tell that eventually those weird prongs would bend and break at some point anyway) Sped home. Got situated. Decided to give it a go sans porn to fully immerse myself into the experience. Had a little difficulty distinguishing the power button from the settings button but got the hang of it pretty quick. The first sensation I felt on the lowest setting could be compared to someone placing their lips around your clit and gently breathing on it. The 2nd setting was more concentrated sucking, very gently as if they were trying to make love to my clit. 3rd setting was more direct. By the 4th setting, I could feel the distinct sucking on my clit and the best way to describe it would be if someone was out to prove to me that they were the best head giver I was going to come across. By the 5th setting (and keep in mind, I am USE to having my clit sucked on and can only cum by that sensation) I didn’t realize that I was repeating “Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God…” Imagine your spot getting hit and you tell them “right there” and they ACTUALLY stay right there! Continuous and consistent pleasure is the best descriptive term for that. Unfortunately, I can’t vouch for the remaining settings (there are 11) because I never made it that far. I think I may have passed out. Or maybe I left my body for a moment and came back. Or got abducted by aliens. There is a black space in my memory shortly thereafter so I’m still not sure. Pre-Warning – to turn it off, you have to press and hold the power button. Don’t be like me, bouncing and flailing on the bed like a fish out of water because you’re cumming 4 times in a row and can’t remove the device because you’re on your way to #5 but don’t want to die from a heart attack attached to a sex toy (imagine the headline on that obituary!)

The bad thing about this device is the fact that you may have a heart attack using this device because it will blow your MIND!!!! Also, if you do not like any sucking action on your clit, this is not for you .. though I suppose you could also use it as a mini vacuum if you wanted to clean out your purse or something.

The ugly thing about this device is that after you have a heart attack, you will not have the option to defend yourself when your friends and family finds out that you died because of a $60 sex toy. What will they put on your grave marker? How many friends will suppress giggles at your funeral? I’m sure you will become the trending topic when they report that you died from complications related to extreme orgasming.

Don’t say that I didn’t warn you.

(and no, I was not paid for this review. This review is 100% honest. I paid for this device out of my own pocket. I am not kidding about ANYTHING I just wrote)"

"I have purchased two of these over the last two years. They start out quiet but doe seem to get louder over time. Very reliable"